28_The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books
Published: 2007-04-02T23:00:00+00:00

It was completely black in this cellar. All there were, apart from the occasional drip of water, were voices.

“So,” said the voice of Malicia, “let’s go over it again, shall we? You don’t have a knife of any kind?”

“That’s right,” said Keith.

“Or some handy matches that could burn through the rope?”

“No.”

“And no sharp edge near you that you could rub the rope on?”

“No.”

“And you can’t sort of pull your legs through your arms so that you can get your hands in front of you?”

“No.”

“And you don’t have any secret powers?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? The moment I saw you, I thought: He’s got some amazing power that will probably manifest itself when he’s in dire trouble. I thought: No one could really be as useless as that unless it was a disguise.”

“No. I’m sure. Look, I’m just a normal person. Yes, all right, I was abandoned as a baby. I don’t know why. It was something that happened. They say it happens quite a lot. It doesn’t make you special. And I don’t have any secret markings as if I was some kind of sheep, and I don’t think I’m a hero in disguise, and I don’t have some kind of amazing talent that I’m aware of. Okay, I’m good at playing quite a few musical instruments. I practice a lot. But I’m the kind of person heroes aren’t. I get by and I get along. I do my best. Understand?”

“Oh.”

“You should have found someone else.”

“In fact you can’t be any help at all?”

“No.”

There was silence for a while, and then Malicia said, “You know, in many ways I don’t think this adventure has been properly organized.”

“Oh, really?” said Keith.

“This is not how people should be tied up.”

“Malicia, do you understand? This isn’t a story,” said Keith, as patiently as he could. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Real life isn’t a story. There isn’t some kind of…of magic that keeps you safe and makes crooks look the other way and not hit you too hard and tie you up next to a handy knife and not kill you. Do you understand?”

There was some more dark silence.

“My granny and my great-aunt were very famous storytellers, you know,” said Malicia eventually, in a strained little voice. “Agonista and Eviscera Grim.”

“You said,” said Keith.

“My mother would have been a good storyteller, too, but my father doesn’t like stories. That’s why I’ve changed my name to Grim for professional purposes.”

“Really…”

“I used to get beaten when I was small for telling stories,” Malicia went on.

“Beaten?” said Keith.

“All right, then, smacked,” said Malicia. “On the leg. But it did hurt. My father says you can’t run a city on stories. He says you have to be practical.”

“Oh.”

“Aren’t you interested in anything except music? He broke your pipe!”

“I expect I’ll buy another one.”

The calm voice infuriated Malicia.

“Well, I’ll tell you something,” she said. “If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.”

“And what if your story doesn’t work?”

“You keep changing it until you find one that does.

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